Hi Everyone,
I am AJ’s grandma, Ruth Brenneman, and I’m honored to be the guest writer on AJ’s blog this week.
Reading AJ’s posts has brought up so many emotions — from heartbreak to joy. Above all, it’s just so hard not being able to “fix” events in my grandkids’ young lives so as to protect them from the loss of their dad.
One thing Tom and I CAN do is be there for them. We have. And we will — we’ll be waiting in Santiago when they get to the end of the 200 miles this summer.
Nothing prepares you for losing a child, much less for losing two sons. Just writing this down knocks the wind right out of me. “How do we get up each and every day?” I’ve asked Tom this question many times.
And it’s difficult, but simple. We do it because we realize we have so much to live for. Faith, Family, and Friends have gotten us through and have also shown us that grief and joy can coexist.
We have our son, Matthew, our two daughters-in-law, and our six grandchildren. Our extended family and caring friends have always been there for us and many strangers, like some of you, are also in our corner.
The one event that did help to prepare us for hard times was Tom’s near-fatal stroke at age 43 when all three of our sons were in high school — the same school where Tom was a teacher and their track coach.
We learned then that we can and must accept help from others — something that didn’t come easy to us. Meals, prayers, rides, and a shoulder to lean on became such a blessing.
Fast-forward twenty years — and we found ourselves coming to Chappaqua while David was going through surgery, chemo, radiation, and clinical trials. We all stayed with David and Mina’s neighbor, Nancy, who truly became a part of the family. Both friends and strangers treated us to pool visits, picnics, trips to the zoo, and many meals.
Chappaqua embraced our family, as did the Natick community. When Michael passed away suddenly in 2022, everyone surrounded us with love and support once again. We are forever grateful.
On a lighter note, as I think about being prepared, I also recall one of David’s many versions of preparation. When he started middle school, he informed us at dinner that one day he wouldn’t be on the bus, but we shouldn’t worry.
I asked him if he had signed up for a club or sports team. “No, but in middle school they give after-school detention if you don’t bring a pencil or your parents don’t sign a form. And I know I’m going to forget something one of these days.” Always the risk manager, David just had to prepare us!
AJ’s choice of the Portuguese Camino for this journey touched us deeply. Michael spent several years teaching in Portugal and we made five trips to visit him.
In a way, we credit David for getting all of us to go on these adventures. Just days before David died, he made Mike promise to finish college and travel. So Mike honored David by graduating on August 31, 2014 – exactly one year after David lost his battle with sarcoma. Mike moved to Lisbon in 2016 and continued his education there.
Before I sign off, I want to share a photo that Mike took shortly after arriving in Lisbon. We were all completely stunned when we saw it.
For those of you who knew David, this passerby looks exactly like him, doesn’t he?! Right down to the rolled-up sleeves, glasses, and briefcase. I bet he even has a bounce in his step, just like David.
We all felt that this WAS indeed David leading Michael — and eventually all of us — through the picturesque streets of Lisbon and the whole world.
Now AJ has given us all a reason to keep traveling. We have to keep venturing out for our sons and grandkids. As we make new memories, we know David and Michael will be there, too.
Thank you for joining us.
AJ will be back next week.
Ruth, what beautiful, heart-tugging words. Sending our love to you and Tom. Wendy & Dick