Hello Everyone,
Seeing as we are well over half-way to the Camino walk and have made so much progress together, I wanted to talk to you about how this journey has helped me deal with the grief from losing dad.
As I mentioned back in January, last summer I was really struggling around the 10-year anniversary of dad’s death. I never really liked talking about my feelings to anyone, but I needed a way to vent and get all the thoughts out of my head. Nothing was making me any better, not even the various support groups I’d attended.
At first, I thought it was my fault. I started blaming myself for not allowing myself to get past dad’s death. I told myself I was just too immature to move on from something that happened so long ago. I also hated the guilt I felt for being alive when dad isn’t.
However, I took a leap of faith and started this adventure – backed by my family, friends, and all of you. Even though some of the negative thoughts lingered in the back of my mind.
I think I’ve come a long way.
Writing all the blogs is my way of commemorating dad. Even if he and I aren’t actually physically sitting down and having a chat, it still feels like we’re talking to each other.
For example, I can be in the middle of writing one of these posts about a memory and then BOOM!, something hits me. I take this as dad letting me know I left something out and he is just reminding me.
It’s not just writing the blog, though, that’s helped me.
Getting in touch with the SFA and participating in events, like last weekend’s race, makes me feel closer to dad. When dad was sick, the SFA was there for him. Also, after his death, mom served on the board of the SFA for a few years. It’s very reassuring to now be in contact with the same organization that has been so close to my family.
It’s just my experience, but I hadn’t heard too many people talking about the lasting impacts of grief. So I assumed it all went away on its own at some point. To be completely honest – and I’m sure you can tell – it doesn’t just go away.
And that’s ok.
The writing and the people who have helped this journey have essentially been my counselors. I finally don’t feel alone – something I’ve needed since August 31st, 2013.
Until next week!
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