The Last One From Home

Hi Everyone,

This is my last post before I embark on the 200 miles.

It’s also Father’s Day.

I’ve honestly dreaded writing this post since I started this blog because this holiday just serves as a constant reminder that I don’t have a dad. The calendar notifications, the ads all over the place, and everything else. I remember back in January, when I first saw that the last post would fall on this day, I got a pit in my stomach that still hasn’t unraveled.

I’ve racked my brain for hours trying to find a positive story for this week’s blog, but I couldn’t find one. For all the good there is, there is bad as well.

A few years ago, I had a soccer tournament on Father’s Day. Everyone on the team had their dad supporting them on the sidelines and cheering their kid on.

I was the only one who didn’t have this. 

I was so upset and angry throughout the tournament. I couldn’t do anything right on the field. I lost the ball every time I dribbled, I passed the ball to the opponent, and, overall, I was a complete mess. I got sympathetic looks from my teammates and the parents because they all knew. I felt singled out and so embarrassed. I felt like a disappointment, and even remembering this day makes me feel ashamed. 

Although many of my posts on this blog have some sort of twist to them, this story does not. That’s it. I went home after the tournament and yeah, nothing else. I’ve thought about it and there’s no happy ending. 

Yet. 

This soccer tournament is basically the reason I’m doing this walk: so that no kid has to be alone at their Father’s Day soccer game. Hopefully the money raised from my journey will help develop a treatment so that a future “me” doesn’t feel ashamed, embarrassed, or disappointed. I want that boy or girl to be happy and have a dad to support them on the sidelines. 

I have so much energy for this walk and the good that’ll come from it. However, there are days like today that make living so hard. Life isn’t fair. It has dealt me some pretty bad cards. But I’ve tried not to let that define me. 

Despite how heartbreaking and miserable this day can be, there are several fathers in my extended family who mean the world to me. Grandpa, for example, has shown extreme strength and resilience in supporting us. Even though I can’t physically celebrate with my own dad, it still feels good to be around other people who are so important to me.

Today also serves as a reminder to check in with Dad. Every Father’s day, I have a conversation with him. And every Father’s Day I feel his warm presence reassuring me that everything's ok. I need this from time to time so I’m glad Dad’s still watching over me.

Before I close out, I want to give a quick thank you to everyone who has read the blog and taken the time to make this journey with me. My biggest fear when I started this was putting myself far outside my comfort zone. However, the more I posted, the more support I received. It feels weird to say, but I got comfortable being uncomfortable. I genuinely couldn’t have done any of this without you. 

And with that, I can only say one more thing: until next week, when the real fun begins!